6 months on. The Journey Continues.
I’m 6 months post op, and I certainly can’t say this has been easy, because goodness me it hasn’t. Time has flown in a sense, but it feels like months and months ago that I shuffled out of the hospital. I think I’ve shed more tears than I ever have. Well maybe not, I am an emotional person. But I definitely contributed to the rain we had in spring, I’m sorry. Maybe the sunny summer we’ve had has connotations of how I’ve been progressing.
It’s amazing what can change in 6 months, with equal measures of patience, determination and hard work. A process for me which has felt long, and I’m not ashamed to admit it, very very hard.
It’s ok to cry though right? It is. It’s amazing how having some tears, can allow for some inner peace a few minutes later.
I have spoken to a few people, a couple of friends in the last few months and I’ve said how I almost feel guilty being upset or as I’ve mentioned frustrated at the situation. I know people are worse off than me, so I feel bad about being upset about a sore/mending hip.
However, these people have reassured me that it’s more than ok for me to have felt like this. No matter what anyone is dealing with it’s hard, don’t ever compare to others. Only you know what it’s like. Cry, let it out, talk about it, create a plan to move forward. Rain doesn’t last forever, neither do tears.
Imagine doing a jigsaw, that’s what it’s felt like. Piece by piece I’ve been progressing. Ticked rehab and progress boxes off along the journey. I put my own socks on, I walked, I jumped, I got back lifting weights, I chipped a golf ball, I walked a course, I hit a driver, I played 18 holes. Yes, I finally hit the milestone at the start of the week of playing a full 18 holes. Boy did that feel good. And for the first time in weeks, I cried. But this time happy tears, tears of relief and a release after all the work to get this far.
I don’t like to blow my own trumpet, but I am so proud of myself in how I have stuck to the process, the sometimes somewhat monontenus rehab. The schedule I’ve maintained to get to where I am now. I’m not sure if I’ve ever been prouder?
Although I’m 6 months down the line and ticking the boxes of rehab, I’m still a bit away from being ‘normal’. I know this will take a while, but I know if I keep doing what I’m doing I’ll get there.
Patience is key though...
I’m a golfer, I’m a human being. Patience isn’t something we are naturally gifted with. We all can say we are patient, but at they same time what is the true meaning of patience. I know for sure, I’ve been fighting a battle of trying to remain as patient as possible whilst all I wanted to do was jump on a plane back to a tournament. As I’ve said, I’ll get there.
As I’ve written about it before, but it continues to be about the small goals. It is of course at times impossible to not look so far ahead. It’s the same for anything, you work towards something, some days it feels really close, the next day it can feel miles away. It’s a case of always trying to keep an eye on the light at the end of the tunnel and the future, but is vital to stay as present as possible and just as important to look back to see how far you have come.
It’s not all me, me, me though. I can’t find the words to thank those who have helped me get this far. From those who have wiped the tears, or celebrated the milestones along the way; thank you.
It is amazing how 6 months can change you.
Do I have even more gratitude for the game of golf? Yes.
Do I have even more understanding of myself as a human and an athlete? Yes.
Am I glad the last 6 months have happened? No, but yes.